But it never goes down this way for guys like us!

I'm not used to sleeping with a girl like this. I thought I was in for a one-drink OKCupid date, max, at that sleazy place by the Financial District, after the initial sizing-up. Just seemed like she was used to dating assholes in clubs and I was used to dating girls who didn't spend an hour primping to go to a fake-Irish dive bar. But liquor has its ways and soon enough we're talking about Dan Savage, whom we both like, and she's looking at me less like I'm an ugly schmuck than like I'm an ugly schmuck who might possibly have a few redeeming, un-schmucky qualities. So at this point it's like, why not? I ask to walk her home and she mentions a boyfriend, but then at her door she asks if I want to come up and I assent and as the lock catches I notice, Oh, I'm in the North End now. And a few minutes later as I'm sliding into her and she is moaning like a porn star, I try to separate myself from the pressing physical needs that are threatening to overshadow less enjoyable but more important realizations that could potentially help me out long after this girl has ejected me from her body and apartment. So hold on I'll be right back I need to (pretend to) make a quick phone call. THE POINT IS that you can go into the bar, see the girl, and say, Aw, shit, not again. No way this is working out. I'm going home. Or you can get drunk with her and see what happens because why not? Why not? You've never been able to give me a good reason why not. All your reasons about why not seem to assume women aren't capable of simply enjoying sex as sex. That's why I'll never get you, man, and that's why I think you're being a massive dick about this. When I'm riding my bike across the Longfellow in the summer light tomorrow morning and can still smell her on me, can feel her nails slicing chunks out of my back in a way 15-year-old me never would have believed could feel so freaking good, I'll remember your sneering judgmental face. I'll imagine myself tossing you in the river because no one as scared as you are of getting wet deserves to stay dry.